Image by Micha from Pixabay
A few years back, we penned an article called Cheesy Car Sales Tactics That Refuse To Die. Sadly, we had to bin it from our online archive (it’s a long story), but we’re revisiting the idea now… because as it turns out, cheesy car sales tactics never really go away. They’re just being replaced by something more subtle.
Caveat: things have improved a lot.
Before we get started, it’s important to say that the car sales process has improved greatly in recent years.
Back in the day, used car salesman was a shorthand for a chancer, a cheap hustler. And although that was always a stereotype, there did seem to be plenty of real-life Arthur Daleys around.
It’s not like that now. The overwhelming majority of car salespeople are reasonable, professional, and a million miles from their dodgy predecessors.
Yet in some places, classic cheesy tactics still persist. Let’s take a look.
Our favourite cheesetastic lines
“Great cars these, I had one myself.”
This one is borderline cheese. After all, it’s possible that the salesperson did indeed drive the precise model you happen to be looking at. Then again, it’s also possible that he’s just feeding you spoonfuls of concentrated nonsense. To test this, we suggest returning every day in disguise and asking about a different car. Or is that going too far?
“Actually, my wife drives one of these.”
A tried and trusted variation on the above.
“I’ll ask the manager what he can do.”
Here’s how this one goes. You make an offer. The salesperson is doubtful. For this one, he’s going to have to go right to the top. He disappears from the office for some time. Eventually, he reappears and it’s great news: although it’s nowhere near what you wanted, the manager has agreed to a modest improvement in your deal.
After we referenced this the first time round, we were delighted to see it crop up in the film Fargo. It’s not quite the same circumstances, but the clip below (warning: a bit of swearing) gives you some indication of what may go on when the salesperson steps out.
“I don’t normally do this, but…”
Yes, you do. You do normally do this. This is an offer that you routinely make to customers, so just stop it.
“You’re nice people, let’s see what we can do.”
Congratulations! Your personality is so appealing that the salesperson is compelled to make you a better offer. You win at buying a car and at life.
“Oh, they’re all like that.”
So, you take the car out and the gear change feels like stirring wallpaper paste with a stick. Or perhaps you need Schwarzenegger’s left calf to depress the clutch. When you timidly raise this with the salesperson, you’re assured, “Oh, all [insert that particular model] are like that. Bit agricultural, but they last and last.”
Trying to pass off a specific problem as a known shortcoming? Classic cheese.
New-old cheese for old-old cheese
As we’ve said, this traditional ripe Stilton is fast disappearing off the garage forecourt. What’s taking its place may not be new, it’s just more subtle. What’s important is that the four tactics that follow still have that distinctly cheesy aroma.
“Just to let you know, we have got someone else coming in to look at it.”
It could be true, couldn’t it? It could be a friendly alert. Or it could be creating a sense of urgency by triggering your deep-seated FOMO instincts. You know, just like those holiday companies who tell you how many seats or rooms are left available at that price.
“I’m guessing your kids’ safety is going to be a priority, and this model has got…”
A proper salesperson would be a million times smoother than this, but we just wanted to illustrate another Cheddary approach. There’s a certain sort of salesperson who makes it his business to know your business. This might include your relationship status, family members, estimated disposable income, relevant hobbies and so on. This isn’t because you’re more interesting than you’d previously imagined. You’re being psychologically profiled to discover your buying needs.
They’re living incarnations of the algorithms tailoring your internet ads.
“You want to go home right now, but I’m here all day.”
Of course, this isn’t stated out loud. It just articulates what the crueller members of the selling industry are thinking. They know that buying a car is exhausting, and that you’d give almost anything to get out of the showroom right now. And that includes signing on the dotted line.
Spinning out the sales process is another way of creating urgency in your mind. This time, it’s by creating a desperate need to go home and put the kettle on.
“If I could get you [XYZ], would you take the car today?”
This is oh-so-sneaky. The XYZ could be many things. It could be a discount that has to be approved by the manager (see traditional cheese section). It might be a tasty option, like an extended warranty. It could be achieving a lower monthly payment.
Whatever it is, the key is that “If…” That’s a powerful way of appealing to our sense of fairness. In effect, the salesperson is saying I am going to do this thing for you, which is a burden to me and my company, but if I do, it’s only fair that you do something for me.
It’s like cream of broccoli soup. You don’t notice the cheese straight away, but it’s in there.
Is the next bit our cheesy sales tactic?
Here we go:
Whatever your motoring needs, you can rest assured that WVS is a completely cheese-free zone. What we offer instead is reasonably priced, top quality servicing, repairs and MOTs. So if you’re in Cardiff/South Wales, get in touch today. We specialise in VW Group marques like Volkswagen, Skoda, SEAT and Audi, but we’ve got shedloads of experience with other cars too.
Answer: It’s not cheesy if we do it. It’s irony.